


Trauma and Hope

by Deansbaby11283



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Airplane Crashes, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beekeeper Castiel, F/F, F/M, M/M, Memory Loss, Military Dean, Sadness, brief death, some more angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-09 23:06:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5559167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deansbaby11283/pseuds/Deansbaby11283
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel have been married for five years know, they're happy have a child, and a cute home, unforunately Dean's in the Army special forces narcotic unit and has to go to South America on military business. Dean's plane crashes and the military believes all on board died. Meanwhile, after surviving the crash Dean has no memory of his past life, he lives in a village and is set to marry a village woman, dreams haunt him and it isn't until a missionary comes to his village and he sees those striking blue eyes that he remembers everything.  But is it to late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Death is Cruel

Dean’s alarm woke him from a blissful sleep, after groaning and hitting the dismiss button, he rolled over and hugged the sleeping man next to him closer, the man in question has been married to Dean for five wonderful years, they had a son named Charles, a cute house, and a bee farm the perfect life is what people would normally call this, and it was except for one little problem, Dean was a Sergeant in the Army, the narcotics unit and today he was heading the South America. He would be gone for about a month if all went well and if it didn’t he could be there for a long time. Castiel didn’t mind, he was used to this and he knew that Dean would be able to get it done as fast as possible and return to him and their son.  
“Just 5 more minutes”. Castiel muttered, Dean chuckled and got up with a sigh.   
“I’m sorry angel but my flight leaves in two hours and I want to eat something, get a shower in you coming?” Dean asked when he got to the door and wasn’t followed by the blue eyed, dark haired man.   
Castiel groaned and sat up, rubbed a hand over his face and nodded. “Yeah I’ll be right there, Charles is probably hungry anyway”. Dean smiled and went to the kitchen whistling as he went, Castiel smiled again still in shock that he got this amazing man to be his and have this amazing life with.   
Exactly an hour after Dean was dressed in his BDUs with his bag on his shoulder and his son in his arms. “I promise I won’t be gone for long Cas, both of you will barely miss me and then I’ll be back”.   
Castiel nodded knowing that Dean had to be right, Dean smiled another brilliant smile before kissing Charles on the forehead and passing him to Castiel before engulfing them both in a hug that smelled similar to leather and gunpowder the classic Dean smell. “I love you” Castiel told him with tears that he promised wouldn’t spring up.   
“I know” Dean said in his usual way, he kissed Castiel once and walked out of the door. For days Castiel could still hear the familiar sound of Dean’s boots going down the stairs, it haunted him.   
For two days things went normal, Castiel wrote his book got a visit from Dean’s younger brother Sam and his wife Jess, tended to his bees. Then came the knock.   
It was a normal sunny day and Castiel had just got done showing Charles the flowers and explaining how bees were misunderstood. The knock was sharp and loud, not the soft way Jess knocked , the secret way Charlie knocked, or the rat tat tat of Sam’s knock it was harsh and made the hairs at the base of Castiel’s neck stand on end.   
Castiel opened the door cautiously Charles on his hip, two Army officers stood at the door and as soon as Castiel saw them his stomach dropped, but he kept his head up it could be for anything maybe they needed to relocate, it would be difficult with the bees and Sam living just next door Dean would miss them but Castiel knew that Dean would, for his country.   
“Castiel Winchester?” One of the officers asked Castiel nodded. “May we come in?” The same officer asked Castiel opened the door farther and motioned them in. He stayed standing when they sat, realizing he wouldn’t be sitting down as well they stood up.   
“Castiel Winchester I have been asked to inform you that your husband Dean Winchester has been reported dead on the coast of South America, the plane he was flying in went down and all on board were killed. On behalf of the Secretary of Defense I extend to you and your family my deepest sympathy in this your greatest loss”.   
Castiel fell to the floor, Charles still in his arms and began to scream, full sobs wrecking his body, he couldn’t breath, it felt like he was dying, he could barely hear anything like he was underwater. He did hear the officers asking someone who he was and what relation did he have to him.   
“I’m his brother in law, what’s happening?” Sam asked, at this time Castiel had curled into a ball baby Charles close to his chest both of them sobbing.   
“Sir is your brother Sergeant Dean Winchester?” The officer asked.   
“Yes is it, is Dean in someone kind of trouble?” Sam asked, being the lawyer that he was Sam hoped that the officers were there because Dean had broken a rule and was in jail.   
“Sir I’m sorry to inform you that your brother was reported deceased, a plane went down all on board were killed on behalf of the secrtary of defense I extend my deepest sympathy to you and your family”. The officers both saluted them and walked away.   
Sam was in shock, he felt like a piece of him had been gone for a while but he thought he was just missing Dean, turns out his brother instincts were trying to tell him Dean was dead. He couldn’t break down though, he had more important things to attend to, like Castiel, who was lying on the floor a complete wreck.   
Sam carried Castiel to his bed, he went to put Charles in his crib but Castiel stopped him so he left the baby in his arms. A day later and they both submerged themselves in funeral plans and calling friends and family. It kept both of their minds busy so no one could think of the horrible things that were happening to them.   
The funeral was a normal military funeral, they were met at the graveyard with a full attendance, soilders that Castiel remembered from football night, crying friends and family and an empty casket draped with an american flag, and escorted with an honor guard who stood at attention behind the casket rifles ready.   
The priest gave some speech about how Dean would be guided to Heaven by the prettiest angels or some shit, frankly Castiel wasn’t listening anyone who knew Dean knew that he hated Angels would much rather be greeted to heaven with Kurt Cobain or John Lennon. After the priest pissed Castiel off, people went one by one to speak of the great things about Dean, they ranged from “He was always happy and smiling but even more so in front of his flat screen with an ice cold beer” to “He always knew how to make someone laugh no matter how messed up they were” both of which were extremly true.   
Following this, the honorary guard held the flag above Dean’s casket and the seven gun salute was performed, the flag was folded the usual way and handed to Castiel by a high ranking officer with some shit saying about how grateful they were and how sorry the army was for his loss. Castiel wanted to call him on his bullshit, but his voice still wasn’t quite working. Castiel skipped the food and the sad looks people were giving him in favor of going home, curling up with Dean’s sweater and their child, and letting the peace wash over him.   
It took a month for Castiel to start speaking again, he only spoke to Sam at first and then soon to everyone. He talked about the dreams he had and why he still bought Dean’s beer (It was a habit he needed to break) and why he refused to let anyone put Charles in his crib (he didn’t like sleeping alone).   
It took a year of fighting between Sam and Castiel for Castiel to clean out Dean’s closet. When he did, it felt better but it was full of crying and wet laughing when he found the shirt that caused their first meeting where Castiel spilled spaghetti down him, on purpose. When Castiel found the tux they got married in, the one that Dean swore he was only going to rent because “why buy one I’m only getting married once right?” he lost it. It ultimaly got put into boxes of stuff that he could keep as a reminder and stuff that Sam could keep. Time went on in a blink of an eye and Castiel got better, began healing, but he would never be the same.


	2. Saving Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I haven't updated in forever! I feel horrible, I've been so busy with school, work, and my best friend had her baby so I've been helping her with that. Anyway here is another short chapter hopefully you guys like it! Don't forget to review! It really helps with the writing process.

     Dean got on the plane to South America cautiously, he hated flying it was his thought that if he was supposed to fly he would’ve been given wings, but his CO had told him to suck it and that’s what he did. He settled into his seat with a few of his other buddies around him all dressed in BDUs and all looking eager, that’s what he envied about them, his Army buddies had no family they weren’t leaving anything behind so they were happy to go somewhere new. 

“Man, South America sounds great right now, I hope we can stay through winter I hear its supposed to get really cold here”. A man Dean knew as Uriel said behind him, Dean gritted his teeth until Uriel tapped Dean on the shoulder. “And who knows maybe they;ll be some hot chicks there right Deano?” Uriel smiled a sickenly grin and Dean couldn’t leave it alone anymore. 

“No dude, I really hope this done quick I also have no interst in hot chicks”. Dean said pointing to the shiny ring on his finger. 

“Oh, thought you were single my bad dude, what’s the lucky lady’s name?” Uriel asked him with a more human smile. This was Dean’s dilemma he didn’t know how the guys would react to hearing he had a husband, not a wife and while ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ was a thing of the past who knew if anyone was any more accepting here than before. 

“His name is Castiel he dug in his wallet and handed him a picture they took with Charles. “And that’s our son Charles” Dean watched Uriel’s face for a hint of disgust but there was none, no judgement, nothing. 

“Cute family you have dude, let’s hope we get done with this thing quick right?” Uriel handed him back the picture and Dean put it back in his wallet with a smile. 

“Here’s hoping”. Dean told him and fastened his seatbelt as per request of the pilot. 

Dean felt a little sick as the plane thrashed him around, the pilot swore they were going to be fine but something twisted in Dean’s gut and by looking at everyone else it seemed they all felt the same. He could hear the pilot cursing and finally admitting everyone needed to brace for impact the left wings motor was completely gone, it had just stopped. 

Dean cursed himself for thinking this would be a good idea, here he was a husband and a child, a happy family that he loved and he was in a plane crash. He wished his phone worked but if it did and he called Cas he would just hurt him instead he took a deep breath and looked out the window, they were too close to the ground, way to close. Right when Dean closed his eyes and muttered “I love you Cas”. to whoever was listening the plane hit the ground and he spilled from his seat. 

 

Dean woke up and hated it, he didn’t remember what happened but he hurt everywhere, did he maybe have too much to drink with Sam again? Fall down the stairs? He looked over to his left and the relaziation hit him. No he did not fall down the stairs or drink too much though he wished he did, he wished against everything that this was just a dark and twisted dream. The pain in his head, leg, and both arms told him that he wasn’t dreaming. He didn’t know what else to do so he sat up the best he could, all he could see for miles as much as his vision swam he knew that the red and black blurs were bodies and the steaming pile ahead was the plane that he just came out of. He shook himself out of his panicked state and decided he needed to check himself for injuries, from the extreme pain in his leg he knew it was broken, he remembered what a broken bone felt like from playing around with Sammy when they were kids and falling off the fence. Dean lifted his arm and immediately put it down, he knew something was wrong when he couldn’t feel it, his body was trying to help him out by numbing that his arm had a bone sticking through it and he was glad that he couldn’t feel the pain he knew would be there. 

After deciding that yeah he was pretty damn injured and should probably see what is around him instead of laying in the sand thinking, his vision went black again but he fought against it and crawled his way to the trees, it took him what felt like days to get there but he knew it was probably just a few hours, he found someone the man in front of him wore handmade pants but no shirt or shoes. The man spoke english but with a heavy unfamiliar accent. 

“Mister? Are you alright?” The man asked Dean with worry evident in his voice. 

Dean managed to mumbled out. “Plane crash. Dead. Everyone dead. Please tell Cas I love him”. Before passing out. The man managed to help him to a hut, they helped the best they could. 

Dean would live but didn’t remember anything about the time before he found the tribe, they told him legends of how he barely lived, still in his BDUs, so he knew that he was in the United States of America’s Military and his name was D Winchester. That’s all he knew though his wallet was lost at sea or at least that’s what they told him. 

Five years later, Dean was engaged to the chief’s daughter and happy he smiled a lot at least so everyone thought he was happy. The one thing that would’ve made Dean’s life easier was if the headaches and weird dreams would stop. He worried everyone with the fainting and the night terrors but it was to be expected with the kinds of injuries he had. 

“Hey D, the chief would like to speak to you about something important”. One of the guys he became friends when he got to the tribe told him, he nodded and walked to the hut that housed the chief. 

“You wanted to see me chief?” Dean asked, the chief smiled at him and motioned for him to sit. 

“I would to let you know what would be going on, there’s going to be some visitors from The Land coming to help us out with the diseases and the problems we’ve had here recently, since you’re marrying my daughter I want you to watch after her”. The Chief finished with a lifted brow. 

Dean nodded. “Of course I will”. 

Five years later and Castiel still mourned the loss of his lover, his other half and the father of his now toddler son, Sam and Jess still lived next door and came everyday. Sam missed his brother the one person who stayed around since he was born, the one who raised him, and the one who pushed him to be a lawyer. It seemed like the were all still missing a piece of themselves. 

Two years after that and Castiel was engaged to a man named Balthazar he treated Charles as one of his own and was a minister. Together they were going to the same place that Dean’s plane crash landed. Castiel wasn’t sure about that as much as he loved going around preaching the word of God and telling people his story, he didn’t want to see where Dean died. 

“If you rather not go I understand, we’re only going to give them medicine and help with child birth not preaching this time”. Balthazar told him again. Castiel nodded. 

“I want to, just keep me together? I don’t want to scare the interns with another panic attack”. Castiel folded another piece of clothing and stuck it in their bag. Balthazar grabbed his chin and kissed him, nothing too passionate just a sweet peck to remind him that he wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Of course I will, last time you scared an intern they tried to give you a drugs”. When they first got on a plane all Castiel could think of is Dean crashing and Dean’s fear of planes and suddenly he was on the floor, with one of his interns handing him weed. 

They left Charles with Sam and Jess and headed off to the airport where the church’s plane was docked. Nothing happened with lift-off and Castiel was proud of himself, finally he fell asleep curled up into Balthazar’s jacket, feeling safe, secure and the feeling that whatever happened in South America he would feel whole again. 


End file.
